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Bloody Penguin

Yet another variation of the Smack the Penguin game. This time with blood, gore and landmines. Landmines rock. I managed to get 616.4 on my second try.

Speaking of penguins. The Penguin Sketch in one of my favorite Monty Python bits:

Two old women are sitting on the couch listening to the radio when it explodes. One looks at the other:

1: We’ll have to watch the Telly-vision!

2: Aaaaw. (sound of agreement)

(they turn the couch so it’s facing the television. One turns the television on, and they sit down. There is a small penguin sitting on top of the television set.)

1 & 2: (singing, mumbled) hhmhmhmhmh… mhmmhmh mhmhm hhmhmmhm mhmhmmhmhmh

1: What’s that on top of the telly-vision set?

(pause)

2: (matter-of-factly) Looks like a penguin.

(pause)

2: It’s been a long time there, now, has it?

1: What’s it doin’ there?

2: Standin’!

1: I can see that!

(pause)

1: If it laid an egg, it would roll down the back of the telly-vision set.

2: Ummmm. I hadn’t thought of that.

1: Unless it’s a male.

2: Yes. It looks fairly butch.

(pause)

1: Per’aps it’s from next door.

2: (yelling) NEXT DOOR?!? Penguins don’t come from NEXT DOOR! They come from the Antarctic!

1: (yet louder) BURMA!!!

(they both stop short, looking around)

2: Why’d’j say that?

1: I panicked.

2: Oh.

1: Per’aps it’s from the zoo.

2: Which zoo?

1: (angrily) ‘ow should I know which zoo it’s from?!? I’m not Doctor bloody Bernofsky!!

2: ‘Oo’s Doctor bloody Bernofsky?

1: He knows everything.

2: Oooh, I wouldn’t like that, that’d take all the mystery out of life.

(pause)

2: Besides, if it were from the zoo, it’d have “property of the zoo” stamped on it.

1: They don’t stamp animals “property of the zoo”!! You can’t stamp a huge lion “property of the zoo”!!

2: (confidently) They stamp them when they’re small.

1: (snapping back) What happens when they moult?

2: Lions don’t moult.

1: No, but penguins do. THERE! I’ve run rings around you logically.

2: (looks at the camera) OOOOH! INTERCOURSE THE PENGUIN!!!

(The television warms up: a man is sitting behind a news desk)

Man: Hello! Well, it’s just after eight o’clock, and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.

(the penguin explodes)

1: ‘Ow did ‘e know that was going to happen?!

Man: It was an educated guess.

Maybe it’s just me but the absurdity of this sketch is just hilarious.

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